I have not posted here for the last few days.
In fact, I have really struggled to do anything these last few days. At the weekend it was all I could manage to get out of bed. I used to have a great plan in life. That disappeared years ago when it became clear it was totally unrealistic. Since then I have been adrift.
“Fake it till you make it” is how the old saying goes.
I have never been able to do that as I always felt it somewhat dishonest. For most of my life, I have been the family fix-it guy. Whenever anyone had a problem it would be me they came to for help. It was pretty cool being that guy. However, what I had not realised was I needed help as well.
A wave of depression has hit and I cannot shake it on my own.
So I will be seeing a doctor later this week to talk things through and get some help. When you are the family fix-it guy asking for help is not easy. I have been fighting off going to the doctor’s, worried that once it is on my medical record that it could affect any medical check a potential employer may want to do.
I am reminded of the line from the Abba song, Super Trouper.
Facing twenty thousand of your fans, how can anyone feel so lonely?
I don’t have 20,000 fans, but I have people around me that I cannot discuss this with. Finger crossed there are better times ahead.